Archive for Marriage Tips

Marriage Tips for Him and Her

March 16, 2009 · Filed under Marriage Tips · Tagged , , ,

Marriage Tips For him
Understand that she has walked into a totally new house, new atmosphere and new people. Give her ample time to settle down, get used to the conditions and react. Give her, her own space. Make her feel comfortable. Take initiative to ask her about her specific needs. You will be the one she will look up to, in the first few days, more than anyone else in your family. So give her company as much as possible. Wait till she understands your family members and your own specific demands. You can explain it to them as and when it comes up. For eg: you can tell her that you need a bed coffee and not a bed tea on the first day morning of your married life, instead of shouting at her. If your spouse is a working women, understand that she also needs as much rest and relaxation as you. Lend her a helping hand in house-hold works like cooking, cleaning, washing etc. Talk openly about your problems or misunderstandings and encourage her also to do so, because an open talk can sort almost everything out. Most importantly understand that nobody is perfect, even you.

Marriage Tips For her
Realize that you are going to a totally new house, atmosphere and going to mingle with totally different people. Also realize that they are the ones who are going to be with you for the rest of your life. Try and adapt to the new living conditions at the earliest. Talk openly about your inhibitions and specific requirements. Always greet your spouse, when he returns from work with a warm smile instead of rolling out the list of complaints and demands. You can always talk it over the table or in bed. Understand that he might be having tensions from office which he may not be willing to pass on to you. Again, most importantly, understand that nobody is perfect, even you.

Hope these words help you to lead a happy married life. Wish you all the joy and luck..!!

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8 Healthy Tips for a Healthy Married Life

March 16, 2009 · Filed under Marriage Tips · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

These days, brides get married to the wedding before they get married to their mates. With so many choices and so much stress, it is easy to get lost in planning a great wedding and forget to focus on building a great marriage!
Here are some tips for stepping into married life with strength and wisdom:

1. Be aware that getting married can stir up a lot of emotions.
The process itself sets forth period of growth and change that can be very nerve -wracking. Once you decide to marry you will begin the process of getting ready for marriage & and unresolved emotions may come to the surface to be explored. Be prepared to do some inner work along with all the external preparations. Honor and address the emotions and fears that arise. Trust they are natural. Don’t sweep things under the rug. There are things you can do in addition to pre-marital counseling.

2. Ask yourselves, and each other, A LOT of questions.
Don’t assume that married life will be the same as single life. And don’t be afraid to get to know each other’s truest feelings. It is important that you you delve into everything from how you’ll raise your kids, to what kind of color scheme you want in your home, to how you will spend free nights at home once the wedding is over. Many brides and grooms tend to want to avoid the deep talks, and dwell on the surface aspects of getting married. Your married life will be a lot smoother if you communicate with and listen to. Be willing to hear things you may not like and agree with… find ways to compromise or give in to one another.

3. Picture Your Future.
In addition lots of questions and thoughtful answers, begin to think about and visualize the life you want to share. What will it look like? What will your new roles be like? What kind of home and family life do you home to have. Although it is fun to day dream, it is very practical to give thought and vision to the life you want to create. You might even want to create a treasure map or a book of choices to guide you.

4. Visual language is powerful.
Cut photos from magazines that illustrate the essence of your ideal life together and paste them in a special journal book or on poster board. Superimposed photos of yourself in a picture of that fabulous vacation spot, or cut out a happy family picture that represents how you’d like it to be, with the number of kids you d like to have. Visual cues give strong messages to the subconscious. Working together to find the images, and gluing them into place together, will begin to expand your picture of life together. Studies have show images can be like visual prayers.

5. Create your new home together.
Find, it buy it or rent it and begin to get it in order before the big day! Your home will be the safe harbor for you both and your marriage. Whatever your budget, make home beautiful, sacred and truly compatible with you both. Start merging your stuff as soon as you can so that you don’t spend the first months of marriage arguing about furniture and belongings.

6. Create a Mission Statement For Your Marriage:
You may not be able to write your own vows for your wedding, but you can put some personal thoughts on paper. The first step of any new enterprise is to create a mission statement. This applies to your marriage, as well. Brainstorm, discuss, process and bat around ideas until you come up with a Marriage Mission Statement. This is your mutual intention for marriage; it is what you want to be and build together. It can have one sentence or reflect a number of ideas.

For example: Our union gives us strength, power and fortitude to deal with all of life sups and downs, and it empowers us to contribute to others and the world. We are best friends, confidantes and partners, and we have many close relationships with people we consider “spiritual family.” We are a couple who inspire others with our love and who model what it is to be in a great relationship.

7. Do pre-wedding vows.
You can put further your commitment, before your wedding day, in a very simple and loving way. It can be as simple as reading a poem to each other, to declaring your love in one or two affirming sentences. This excerpt from Song of Solomon is a beautiful example of selecting words that are simple, yet powerfully honor and express your love. You can just look each other in the eyes, hold hands and say: “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” Every time you experience a ritual that declares your love, it s like giving each other a special boost of love and will bring you even closer for your wedding day.

8. Establish rituals that will make you both feel loved and happily married.
The little life rituals make look insensible and illogical but are very helpful to build a sense of togetherness. These are usually mundane yet sacred elements of living that keep the two of you connected, keep your dreams alive and accentuate your togetherness. It’s these things a call from the office every day, a romantic dinner at home on Fridays, going to your favorite restaurant or Inn once a month that keep you both aligned with the goals you set forth. When you establish loving rituals to look forward to, they will never become boring. They become a part of who you are, together. They will be experiences you can share to reawaken your love at any stage of marriage.

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Happy Marriage Tips

October 17, 2008 · Filed under Marriage Tips · Tagged , , , , , , , ,

  • Present a united front. Don’t denigrate your partner to anyone else. Remember the wonderful things that attracted you to your mate, and don’t be shy about letting others know about these qualities.
  • Conflict is your friend. There are differences in every relationship – what makes or breaks a marriage is how partners choose to resolve those conflicts. Ignoring them is not the solution. That would be like ignoring cancer in the hope that it will go away by itself. Actually when conflicts are resolved successfully, the relationship can move to an even higher level of stability and intimacy.
  • Gain perspective from trouble. All marriages will present problems along the way, and events such as war, separation, illness or financial hardship will test a couple’s strength in dealing with them.
    • Many marriages fail today because the people involved do not know how to
      show love for one another since they were brought up in a loveless relationship.
  • Listen with empathy. Empathy is your ability to see things from your partner’s perspective. Listen to your partner and tune in to his/her feelings. Whatever your partner is feeling “makes sense” from his or her perspective. When you start to “get it”, you will know not only what your partner is feeling – you will also understand why. You are ready for the next step.
  • Look for someone who shares your values. Any couple can expect to argue, a normal part of human behavior. But sharing similar values and goals can keep them from serious, destructive fights that can destroy the marriage.
  • Make it sweet. Nobody likes to be scolded. Express those feelings of love as strongly as you can! That sweetness will make what follows a lot easier to swallow.
  • Look for win-win solutions. Don’t settle for a compromise “lose-lose” solution. In an atmosphere of love and trust, couples can come up with creative solutions that are satisfying to both partners.
  • Money matters. Pick a mate you trust, and trust him or her. Set your financial goals together, and work together to meet them.
  • Keep love alive. Infatuation fades, but a couple can sustain attraction, enthusiasm and the comfort of sex over time. If you keep your love alive, you won’t get bored.
  • Don’t try to fix every problem you have over the next year. Focus on improving two or
    three particular problem areas, and then when you make progress add another area from
    your original list. Then, next year go out for dinner and review the progress you made over
    this past year, celebrate your success, and make a new list for this coming year.
  • Try to make your partner happy. People who love one another try to be understanding, considerate and generous.
  • Respect your partner’s opinion. You might not always agree, but you should listen.
  • Follow-up. Remind one another of your solution and check on a regular basis to see how it is working. If necessary, discuss the situation again and review the results of your first solution. Make adjustments and try again.

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    Successful Marriage Tips

    October 17, 2008 · Filed under Marriage Tips · Tagged , , , , , , , ,

    Marriage is just like any other important undertaking. You need to work hard to make things work and never take anything for granted. Always remember that making marriage work requires a lot of hard work. Since marriage involve two people, you and your spouse need to work hand in hand in making your marriage work. If one of you is not willing to make sacrifices for your marriage, things will not really work out well. To help you and your spouse make your marriage a success, here are some tips for you.

    Commitment

    Just commit yourself to making your marriage work. Relationships can not be successful if the commitment is not shown by each party involved. You must be committed to your spouse in order to make your marriage work. You should do some serious soul searching prior to your marriage. Be sure you are willing to spend the rest of your life with your spouse, regardless of what comes your way. Decide what to do and follow through on it.

    You have to keep in mind that marriage is more than emotions, it is an important life decision. Making a marriage work demands a commitment from the couple to really try their best to make the marriage last forever, yet it is not an easy task. This commitment does not insure that there will not be some bumps in the road along the way, but it will make it easier for the two of you to work through them when they hit.

    Communication

    The key to making marriage work is open communication. You need to let your spouse know how you feel and you need to be sensitive to your spouse’s feelings too. According to experts, marriages usually start to breakdown when couples neglect to communicate to each other. Never assume that your spouse knows what you are thinking. Your spouse cannot read your mind so you need to tell him or her how you feel. If your spouse truly loves you, he or she will understand how you feel so do not hesitate to tell him or her.

    If you and your spouse have been keeping secrets from each other, try to open up to each other. You do not really have to share all your secrets to your spouse if you do not want to or if the secret will only make things more complicated. But as much as possible, you need to share with your spouse any information that can affect your relationship with each other. Yes, it is not always easy to share your secrets with your spouse but it you are really committed on the idea of making your marriage work, you just have to do what is needed to keep your relationship with your spouse healthy.

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    Marriage Tips for Chicks

    October 17, 2008 · Filed under Marriage Tips · Tagged , , , , ,

     

    As I’ve been visiting my parents this week, I’ve noticed that after thirty-five years of marriage, things seem to be going pretty well. Since my mother has managed not only to stay happily married to my weird, gregarious, obnoxious, romantic, alpha-male father, but also to get him to do just about anything she wants him to do, I figured she’s an expert on marriage and might have some nifty tips to share with our About readers. Menfolk, stop reading now. This is top-secret stuff for women only.

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    Tips for a Better Marriage

    October 17, 2008 · Filed under Marriage Tips · Tagged , , , , , , ,

    Michael and I recently celebrated twenty-one years of blissful married life. We’re a blended family, and have far exceeded the statistics of most blended families dissolving within five years. As we drove to Prescott, Arizona ( a very quaint community), we thought it’d be fun to write down twenty-one things we’ve learned in twenty-one years of marriage.

    1. On our first anniversary, we heard an older couple talk about the “us and the them.” We were the “us” and everyone else (kids and in-laws included) became the “them.” We drew a circle around our “us” to protect it. Have you?

    2. Michael said, “You have to be in it (the marriage) or it’s just a game. One can’t get around it. You won’t get any benefits and you’ll just use the other person instead of really learning the true blessing of giving love and respect.

    3. Listening. We are still learning and we work on practicing this because we value each other enough to slow down our own world and hear the other person’s heart.

    4. Be extremely gracious with each others inconsistencies and quirks (those little things that drive you crazy).

    5. See the core (the person as to who they really are, the one that God sees) and speak to the core (believe the best of them-rather than lock them into past patterns) and grace the crud (the junk that sometimes seeps out in those moments where we knee jerk to life).

    6. Don’t knee jerk in a conflict and if you do recognize that it’s because of your own sense of shame. Find out what the core root of that shame is and face is and make it be your servant rather than be a slave to it.

    7. Develop and implement a weekly marriage staff meeting that insures one-flesh movement. It’s natural to tend to gravitate toward our own worlds and we do so unless we discuss and make plans for our world that fits into His world (God’s).

    8. Discover and develop a personal life purpose (or mission) statement. Pen it down. Mine is: I live to use my power of influence to love deeply and change the world around me for the sake of the Kingdom.

    9. Years ago we learned about something we call an arena. Arena’s must be defined. I’ll post a separate post to explain this. Understanding arenas have helped us in a huge way.

    10. Men, learn how to love and women, learn how to show respect

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    Christian Marriage Tips

    October 17, 2008 · Filed under Marriage Tips · Tagged , , , , ,

    What the heck are Christian marriage tips? Thats what I asked myself the first time a friend had suggested it. You see a few years ago my wife and I were having some problems in our marriage. We were starting to grow apart. The kids were growing up, and few had moved out on their own which left us alone together for the first time in 20 years! Alot of things had changed in those 20 years, so finally we agreed with a little prodding from our kids to seek help.

    First we looked at all the typical avenues which was therapy with a psychiatrist downtown; group meetings with other couples in similar situations; or just trying to work it out amongst ourselves. None of it was really working for us. We started fighting again, and things were getting worse. We needed to find a solution…fast.

    I was discussing my problem with a friend at work one day; when he mentioned that he had gotten some Christian marriage tips from a fellow believer several years back, and that it had helped save his marriage. Why had I not thought about this before? We had gone to church every Sunday for as long as I can remember, and suddenly it all seemed clear. We did some research online and then booked an appointment with our local pastor. It has been 2 years since then, and I am happy to tell you that our marriage is doing great and our family couldn’t be happier! We have God and some Christian marriage tips to thank for this.

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    Save Marriage Tips – Two Simple Tips that will Let You Win Back Your Lover and Save Your Marriage

    October 17, 2008 · Filed under Marriage Tips · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

    Anybody who walks down the isle plans to make their marriage last forever. Most marriages do hit rough patches over the years. Sometimes one partner decided that they are no longer happy and want to be free. Please read this article to discover these Save Marriage Tips. Most marriages can be saved. If your relationship can be saved, then it should be saved.

    If you find yourself in a situation where your relationship is in trouble, but you aren’t ready to say goodbye, then you must get busy. You’ll need a plan of action, and the dedication to make it work.

    Most people are incorrect in their belief that you can’t save a marriage without the cooperation of your spouse. The truth is, there’s a lot you can do to repair a marriage, even if your spouse already has one foot out the door.

    Remember that you mate chose to marry you over all otthers. Therefore, he/she saw something truly special in you. Your job is to rediscover that special part of yourself, and show them that you’re still that person.

    Maybe you’ve become distant or moody over the years. Maybe you’ve started taking your spouse for granted. Try being more caring and open. Make spending quality time with your spouse a priority over other less crucial things.

    Showing your mate that you’re still that special person they fell in love with will go quite far in fixing a relationship. Thank them for everything they do, and be appreciative. Take actions each day that will rebuild the harmony between the two of you that may have drained away over the years.

    If you’ve created problems in the relationship, then take responsibility. Can you make things better by finding some middle ground between the two of you? Think of how much you love your mate, and how important it is that you continue to enjoy living your lives together.

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    5 Tips for Apologies That Work

    October 16, 2008 · Filed under Marriage Tips

    Are there people at work, friends, or family members whom you rarely hear apologize? Their apologies my be long overdue. Here is the problem: we have a natural tendency to gloss over what we have done wrong. Perhaps we hope that if we don’t say how self-centered or thoughtless we have been, others won’t take notice and scold us. Ironically, the opposite is true. Others are hesitant to forgive us if we really don’t seem to “get it”. Further, if we don’t seem to recognize all of the pain that we have caused, aren’t we likely to just hurt them again? Are you, perhaps, someone who should dust off your apologizing skills? If so, turn over a new leaf- apologize and seek forgiveness from others.

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    Six Things to Do Before You Tell Him You Want a Divorce

    October 16, 2008 · Filed under Marriage Tips · Tagged , , , , , ,

    Whether you are contemplating a divorce or have already made the decision to get one, you need to think like a Girl Scout and be prepared before you drop the bomb on your spouse. Divorce, like marriage, is ultimately a financial agreement, and no one knows that better than a man. Faced with divorce, women typically enter a state of chronic emotional overload, even if they’re the ones wanting out. Men, on the other hand, compartmentalize like the linear thinkers they are, which allows them to take action quickly, unencumbered by inconvenient emotions.

    When you say the “D” word, his brain goes on red alert to protect his financial assets. Yes, he may cry or beg or suggest some couples therapy, but that compartmentalizing brain of his is busy calculating how soon he can contact his bank, his accountant and, yep, his lawyer. And if you don’t move as fast as he will, there’ll be hell to pay in the battle ahead: all of those financial documents that make your case often disappear in a puff of fairy dust before you can say or do … anything.

    If you follow the steps below before you mention divorce, you’ll be ready to weather whatever comes next. And if you think it seems dishonest to do this behind your husband’s back, think again. You aren’t stealing assets, cleaning out the bank accounts or doing anything illegal; you are protecting your financial future. Period. You owe it to yourself – and to your children, if you have them – to be ready for whatever countermeasures he may take.

    1. Start saving money, no matter how difficult that seems. Think of it as your rainy day fund and stash it somewhere safe. Women have been putting money in cookie jars for centuries, but a safe deposit box,or personal (not joint) bank account works, too.

    2. Get a credit card in your name only. Use your husband’s good credit to get one now, but don’t use it unless an emergency arises. Emergency might mean he refuses to pay the mortgage on your home or to give you grocery money. Until your lawyer can rectify such a move, you’ll be covered.

    3. Hire a good therapist or join a divorce support group. This is no time to be confiding in friends.

    4. Gather copies of all relevant financial documents, including tax returns (past five years), home mortgage, pink slips for all vehicles, statements for all bank accounts.

    5. Hire a lawyer. Interview at least three.

    6. Hire an accountant. Interview at least three. (Don’t expect to use your family accountant unless you make more money than your husband.) Give copies of all documents to her/him at once, and keep your own copies in a secure place.

    Now you can tell him. Arrange for dinner out, easy on the alcohol, and speak your piece. The restaurant setting should help keep his initial reaction, and the conversation to follow, civilized.

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